expept people who work at wal-mart. (laughter) why stop at food? wal-mart can stop offering health insurance if they just set up a "please vaccinate my child bin." (laughter) and they might want to change the employee desk from "how may i help you" to just "help." (laughter) folks, you know what is does not need any help throughout? the stock market. >> the dow is up 22%. the nasdaq up 31%. the s&p 500 up 26%. the index has gained more than 3 points this year alone. the s&p 500 moved above 1800 for the first time. >> stock prices hit new milestones today. the dow traded above 16,000 for the first time ever. >> stephen: yes, the dow set a new record meaning it got to enter its initials on the high-score screen. (laughter) folks, that record high is good for everybody, especially wetiest 5% of americans who own 82% of all stocks! the other 95% have their money

invested mostly in beanie babies and donated canned goods. (laughter) (cheers and applause) lot of wal-mart fans here tonight. but now socialist commissars over at the "wall street journal" are saying the gulf between the haves and the have-nots may hurt the economy. well, that's exaggerating. a gulf? my gated community only has a moat. (laughter) no surprise the rest of the red brigade is joining in. like that manager of the world's largest bond fund william gross. >> ordinary folks, the 99%, don't have any money anymore! the rich 1% and corporations do. developed economies work best when inequality and incomes are at a minimum. >> stephen: that is a sobering thought. metaphorically, of course. as soon as i heard it i got drunk.

(laughter) the point is i'm choosing to believe that income inequality isn't as big a deal and doesn't need to change. here to tell me it is a big deal and needs to change is former labor secretary for president clinton and star of the new documentary "inequality for all" robert reich. mr. reich, thank you so much for joining us. (cheers and applause) you were on the show about three years ago sounding the alarm warning if we didn't do something it would tank economy or cause a revolution. three years later i'm richer than ever. i assume you're back here to apologize. >> no, i didn't tell you exactly when it would tank the economy and cause a revolution. i said if we continue in the same direction it's dangerous for the economy and dangerous for our democracy and i still think it is very dangerous. >> stephen: how did it cause an economic collapse? i don't understand why me having all the money is a bad thing. >> most americans, the vast middle-class and the poor don't

the purchasing power to the economy going which is why this recovery is the most anemic recovery on record. >> stephen: how long until this reaches a crisis point? if we hold off long enough i may have enough money to start my own economy and blow this one off. >> well, some people are so wealthy that they are leaving the united states and they are setting up tax havens abroad and they are in effect setting up their own economy. >> stephen: and where are they going? can you give me a list of any places? just general ideas? >> why don't you try the netherlands. that might be a good place. but most americans and most people and most countries are staying put and they rely on an economy that's growing for everybody. we did hit in the three decades after the second world war, there's no reason we cannot do it again. >> stephen: whose fault is this? is this obama's fault? >> it is not obama's fault. >> stephen: obamacare. i meant obamacare. is it obamacare's fault? >> no, this is not the part of

obamacare. the problem here has been growing for three decades. we didn't recognize it because we basically turned our backs on the problem. >> stephen: as a rich person, i'm getting a little scared that the poors may come and take what i have there's only 1% of us. we're an oppressed minority. >> stephen, do not be scared. if, in fact, we have a more equitable society where more people have a chance to make it, where there's a wider circle of prosperity you are going to do better, i guarantee it. >> stephen: that a money-back guerin see in >> i'm not going to give you any money back, no. >> stephen: what if the poor or middle-class had something that we rich people wanted to buy? you know? surely they have plentiful organs and daughters. isn't there something that we could purchase from them so they can get money? >> yes, well, you could purchase

-- we could have a higher minimum wage, for example, and more people would have more money in their pockets to turn around and buy stuff which would actually make you and others like you even better. >> stephen: what's the answer in ten words or less-- and do not make any of them the word "taxes. (laughter) >> invest more and better in our schools and in higher education. get big money out of politics. and try to get more revenues from the rich. >> stephen: is more than fair. (laughter) >> i'll do it again. get more revenues from the very rich, use it for better schools and higher education and get big money out of politics. >> stephen: you've got know that's more than ten twice now. the that's just another tax and talk too much liberal. >> get big money -- how about

get big money out of politics? >> stephen: get big money out of politics. okay, as long as you're not getting big money out of me. well, mr. reich, thank you so much for joining me tonight. robert reich, everybody. (cheers and applause)

(cheers and applause) >> stephen: welcome back, everybody, thanks so much. (cheers and applause) folks, the everybody who watches this show knows i am always looking for time savers.

that's why i love those helpful spoiler alerts. rose bud's a sled, he was dead the whole time and the dudes found their car. see, i just saved you all six hours. chalk it up to my generation, but me and my fellow millennials don't like to wait. we want our food fast, our grams insta, our mobs flash and we want it all now. actually, now -- that now is too late. so this now -- nope, missed it again. reading articles on the internets takes forever, that's why i was thrilled to see a new time-saving feature on news, opinion, and stone roofing supply site slate.com. (laughter) on its links it tells you how long it will take to read a story. (audience reacts) as slate explains, people complained quite reasonably about not knowing what they would find behind each link, a two-sentence blog post, a 12-page expo sigs. this will give readers advanced

note about what they'll getting themselves into. thank you! clicking on a story is a huge commitment! first you have to aim the cursor then it takes about two seconds to load, then i've got scan the thing too see how long it is and if i want to back out i have to relead to page where i came from. now as many as eight seconds have passed and i'm that much closer to the cold embrace of death. (laughter) i want to be able to decide before i click whether a story is worth my time am i interested in reading about a to help more mothers who can't afford expensive hospital incubators. but am i seven minutes interest sndz (laughter) maybe i'd rather read a one-minute article about a malaysian businessman trading hookers for navy secrets seven times. (laughter) slate even saved me time while saving me time by writing "m" instead of "minute" which saves me precious inutes." (laughter) i believe slate is on to

something here, folks. they know i need to know how long everything is in my life before i commit. like falling in love. too many unanswered questions. (laughter) will we kiss on the first date, the second date? how long is the court ship? one month, two? how long will our first wedding dance be? a 2:57 like etta james "at last" or 4 minutes like van morrison's "have i told you lately that i love you"? i have to know! and kids bring a whole new set of uncertainty. junior ballpark it when you're gonna say your first word for me. a year? two years? i'll fire up the camera for "da da" but "choo-choo"? i don't know. mommy can brief me on that later. far matter, how long will the rest of my life take? 40 years? i don't have time for that, i'll be dead. how long until the first snow? how long until spring? how long until i'm out of ritz crackers? how long until i'm sick of them. will i ever wake up happy? how long will i take to find myself? do i have to move to nepal for a year or can i lock it down with

one super moving pottery workshop? is life worth living if i actually have to live it? how long until this segment is over? jimmy, put up a countdown clock. now i can relax because if i know how long it is until this moment is over i can finally live in the

(cheers and applause) >> stephen: welcome back, everybody! my guest tonight has released a new line of christmas candles. i didn't know jesus had a birthday cake! please welcome senator rick santorum. (cheers and applause) senator, thank you so much for coming on. great to see you. all right, thank you so much for being my guest tonight. >> my pleasure. >> stephen: i appreciate you coming along. i don't get a lot of republicans on here because they know i'm going to agree with them the entire time. everybody knows former two-term senator for pennsylvania, used to be in congress. you were one of the leading

lights of the republican party running in 2012. you came damn close, sir. let's make some news. (laughter) let's make some news right now. i am -- are you running in 2016? >> i am not -- sure. >> stephen: let's get you sure. let's get you sure, okay? remember, this is how the republican party works. i don't know if now you know how the party works but the last guy standing after the nominee is the next nominee! you know, mccain got it after bush, okay? you were the last guy standing when you lost to -- what was the name of the dude you lost to? i forget his name. kit-katny? you lost to that cat. don't they owe it to you? >> yeah. yeah. i think that's right. >> stephen: all right! all right, damn straight. (cheers and applause) what i liked about your message was that you were speaking from the heart. you were speaking from the sweater vested heart. (laughter)

and then -- what is this? oh, no! (cheers and applause) oh, hell yeah! oh, yeah! yeah, we're doing it. yeah. yeah. (cheers and applause) all right, okay. you really seem to be appealing directly to the heart of not enough people to win. (laughter) what do you think it was about your message that people most responded to? >> simplicity. the point you just made. people want someone who will go out here -- i talked to people here today who said "i don't believe in everything that you believe in but i believe you believe." >> stephen: you've got new movie stud sglo >> yeah. >> stephen: okay. >> okay co-light studios. >> stephen: how do you go from someone who is a cultural warrior calling out the crimes

of hollywood to being part of the problem? (laughter) (cheers and applause) >> stop cursing the darkness and light a candle and that's what i'm doing. instead of complaining about what hollywood is doing we're going to make movies that reflect the values that i think a lot of americans still hold and believe are important for our country to do well going forward. >> stephen: you got a new movie. yeah, go ahead and give it up for going forward. the new movie is called "the christmas candle." and it's a story of a town with a set of miraculous candles. >> no, not really. >> stephen: what? >> not really. >> stephen: there's no miraculous candle? >> well, there's a candle that have been blessed. every 25 years an angel comes to this town and blesses the candle. >> stephen: just like it says in the bible. >> not exactly. not exactly. but this candle was given to someone who is in need in the

community and a miracle happens on christmas eve to that family. it's a beautiful story and now --. >> stephen: so it's not a miraculous and can? >> well, the candle is not miraculous but the prayer that is said -- they give the instructions, light it and pray. so not the candle that gives the miracle but the prayer. an answer to prayer that is the miracle. >> stephen: i can accept that. i can accept that. >> we're not -- it's not like voodoo stuff. (laughter) >> stephen: miraculous candle isn't voodoo, it's chanukah. (cheers and applause) we're both catholics. you're probably the most famous catholic politician, i'm the most famous catholic on television. can we talk about the hispanic vote for a second? they're catholics, why can't conservatives reach out to the hispanics? (applause) for pete's sake, the pope is an

hispanic now. doesn't that kind of make us hispanic ourselves? >> what. >> stephen: by the transitive property of all things? >> well, he's the holy father. >> can we reach out to them on social issues? >> absolutely. that's one of the things i said with the republicans who say they want to abandon these issues. the way we can reach out to a large segment of the minority population is through social issues, is through issues where there is common agreement on those biblical principles. >> stephen: what about gay marriage? we're losing this one, aren't we? we've got 15 states plus the district of columbia who are riding the -- (cheers and applause) hey, don't get me wrong. don't get me wrong. i'm angry, too. we've got 15 states plus the district of columbia riding the rainbow train to hell tune. (laughter) hasn't this one slipped away from us? >> i think the real problem here is marriage has slipped away from us. marriage has deinvolved into just a pro man tick relationship between two people and that's

not what marriage is. >> stephen: it's for transferring property. (cheers and applause) >> you 1%ers don't have to worry about that. >> stephen: i've read the old testament. >> marriage is more than that and heterosexuals have lost the definition of marriage so it's not surprising that other people want to see, well, this is all marriage is today and so we should be involved in that. and so i think the better debate is to talk about what narj is and reclaim the institution as a man and a woman coming together to have children and raise them a way that continues society. >> stephen: what if we cut bait on it? what if we just say it's a neighborhood that's gone to seed we just leave the keys to marriage out front and we go get something better? (laughter) gays you can have marriage because at this point marriage kind of seems gay. (cheers and applause) real gay. we go get something better. >> well, that's the argument i'm

making. the argument i'm making is we have to claim what marriage is. >> stephen: what is it. >> i just said before. >> stephen: i wasn't listening. (laughter) >> it's the union of a man and a woman for the purposes of having and raising children and continuing society. that's what it's always been about and it's more than just -- it is romantic relationships but it's more than that. >> stephen: but what is it not? because you famously once said "it's not man on child, man on dog, or whatever the case may be." (laughter) is it dog on dog, because that would be -- that's the quote. >> well, it's a little taken out of context. >> stephen: oh, really? contextualize me. >> contextualizing it is that what we're talking about is a relationship that is important for the continuance of society and that's what we need to focus on. >> stephen: i've heard some disturbing news that gay people have children. (laughter) (cheers and applause)

i've heard some places they can even adopt children. >> yeah. here's what i would say to that. every child has the right to their natural mother and father. every child has a natural mother and father and they have a right to those mothers and -- that mother and father to give them what only a mother and only a father can give. >> what if they don't a mother or a father? wouldn't it be better for them to have no parents than to be loved by two gay people? (laughter) >> stephen: the point of the law is to encourage what is best, right? it's to set a standard for what is best, not to set a standard short of what have is best because when you do that you'll get less than what is necessary. >> stephen: so what's the next movie in something that can appeal to conservatives like a christmas movie where rudolph's nose is bright enough that people can exercise their second amendment rights easier? (laughter and applause) >> not there yet. >> stephen: good luck with echo light studios. senator rick santorum. the movie

(cheers and applause) >> stephen: that's it for the "r from comedy central's world news headquarters in new york, this is "the daily show" with jon stewart. ["daily show" theme song playing] [cheers and applause] >> jon: welcome to "the daily show." my name is jon stewart. we have an excellent excellent program tonight. tonight's guest: the ledgend

himself dr. bills cosby joins us a little bit later. a good man. [cheers and applause] breaking news out of -- yeah that's right -- canada. >> just into the news desk, the crack-smoking mayor of toronto has just done it again. [ laughter ] >> jon: which brings us to our brand new segment "this just in the crack-smoking mayor of toronto has just done it again." [laughter] [laughter] so apparently -- the crack-smoking mayor of toronto has done it again. [ laughter ] here is the sentence i'm assuming does not follow that sentence: saves the day. >> the hours long city council meeting deteriorating into a spectacle. mayor rob ford at one point started mocking a council member suspect of driving drunk. >> mayor, stop disrupting. >> amid the chaos he nearly knocked a councilwoman to the ground as he ran across the room. [laughter] [cheers and applause]

>> jon: poor woman. you know she got into politics thinking this may be a dirty unrewarding business but at least i'll never have to worry about going to work and being trampled by a crackhead. [ laughter ] and there's a reason rob ford may have been worked up by that particular city council meeting. >> the city council in toronto has just begun debating a measure that would strip a crack-smoking mayor of most of his powers. [ laughter ] >> jon: wait, smoking crack gives you powers? [ laughter ] are those powers an unquenchable